Sunday, October 28, 2012

Standing on a Promise

It has been over a year since I have posted anything. Life has a way of taking over, and blogging becomes a very long and distant pastime. Facebook has also played a large factor, since I can now share stories and photos with my family through that, and I don't have to really think that much. Blogging is definitely harder.

However, I find myself sitting at my laptop today and thinking about the past year. I am generally content with my life. I am not the type of person who requires new "things" to be happy. I don't need vacations, or new clothes, or new technology. As long as I get to spend time with my husband and my children, my parents and my sister, I am happy. Yet, this year has been hard. Mostly financially hard. Alex lost his biggest resume contract in the spring. Which amounted to him losing his job. Which meant we went through any savings we had pretty quickly. We went back to living paycheck to paycheck. Our house payments started to get paid late. Minimum payments on most of our bills. We got rid of any non-essential part of our life. We started borrowing money from our parents. It really really sucked.

Yet...we are Christians. We believe in a Provider. There are promises that God has made. We believe in those promises.  For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19. So, I am not that worried. I do not feel that our situation is hopeless, for we believe in the King of Hope. There are some who believe that if you are going through financial trouble as a Christian, then you are doing something wrong. You do not have enough faith, you aren't tithing enough, you have upset God in some way and this is your punishment. But nothing can separate us from the love of God, right? So if God still loves us, (which He totally does) then why are going through this? A test of faith perhaps? I am not sure.

But I digress. There is a point to all this blathering. His name is Gideon Juan Soto. And I love him so. Gideon is a great kid. He is sweet and funny and smart. He loves his sister so much, and he is really proud of her, and introduces her to people all the time. My son has some issues. Issues that haven't been diagnosed yet (not officially). They are mostly behavioral and social. He has trouble at school when it comes to transitions, schedules, changes and peers. He hates it when he is unable to control his surroundings. He cries and whines. Sometimes he drives me crazy. He also has an issue with his mouth. Toothbrushing used to be very difficult and flossing was out of the question. The last time we went to the dentist, he threw up all over the poor guy. It was a nightmare. A few months ago, he started complaining that one of his bottom teeth was hurting. I started to panic. How could we do this dentist thing again? Thankfully, I was able to find a pediatric dentist who specialized in treating children with autism. Now, Gideon is not autistic, but I figured if she could treat autistic children, Gideon would be a piece of cake! 

And it was! Not exactly a piece of cake, since we had to book a double appointment. It took almost 2 hours for him to get his teeth cleaned. The dentist took extra care to show him all the instruments, allowing him to touch them and even put them in his mouth himself. She would give him a sticker each time he let her go in his mouth. She would stop every time he tried to get out of the chair, and she would talk him back. All of this took a very long time, and it was time our insurance did not cover. But all in all, a success dentist visit. No throwing up, very little crying, and he was left with a good feeling about the dentist. However, there was bad news. The pain he was feeling was an abscessed tooth. Among other things. He would need to either get the tooth removed or something else which I don't remember. He also has cavities that need to be taken care of. 

The dentist felt positive that Gideon would need an anesthesiologist present when she did the work, since he would need to be completely out. It would need to take place in the OR at Hackensack, or in her office with the anesthesiologist present. Both options were expensive. Both options needed money UP FRONT. Before the procedure could take place. This wasn't a case of them billing me, and paying them in payments. This became a case of no one doing the work until they were paid. Yikes. The anesthesiologist actually brings a credit card machine with him to the dentist's office. He swipes your card before he starts to work. What in tarnation? I had never heard of such a thing. Normally, I would try for a different dentist. Someone that might work with me, payment-wise. But Gideon really likes her. He felt comfortable with her and actually was ok at the dentist. This never happens. So, I made the decision to try to find the money somehow. Except, haven't you heard? It doesn't grow on trees. I haven't even made the appointment yet, because I am little bit scared to.

We estimated how much everything would cost. They couldn't give me a definitive number, because Gideon had not been able to tolerate the x-rays, so she didn't know exactly what she was dealing with. So, we had a ballpark. A Yankee stadium ballpark. A number I knew we couldn't borrow. So, I took my pride and put it under my bed. I took all thoughts of shame and embarrassment and threw them out the window. Because I wasn't asking for myself. I was asking on behalf of my son. As a mom, sometimes pride is the last thing you think about. Your kids come first, and you start not caring what everyone else thinks. I didn't need people's approval; I needed my son to be able to chew normally again. Starting that Give Forward account was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. Posting it on Facebook made me nauseous. It goes against my very nature to ask anyone for help, let alone actual (gasp!) money. I know that there are people out there that do not approve. That I should just wait for God to provide us with the money in a supernatural way. And I do still believe that! But I also believe that God can use people who feel led to donate. So, I started that donation account in faith. I was told by someone close to me, "Don't get your hopes up. People don't care anymore." But I refuse to believe that! I know that we have people who love us and who love our son. And even if they were unable to give, that maybe they would tell their friends or share it with their church. I have decided to stand on God's promise, and know that he will take care of us.

So here is the link. Even as I share it here and share our story, I pray that my faith continues to increase, and that God blesses each and every one of you.

http://www.giveforward.com/gideonssmilefund


href
="http://www.giveforward.com" target="_blank" style="color:#4577B3;font-size:12px">Medical Fundraising Made Simple

1 comment:

Bryna Scoccimarro said...

Alexa, I love you! I wish I could help you financially, however I am in the "empty account syndrom" as well. I already am a sponge off of my parents. But you can bet your sweet bippy I will be telling EVERYONE I KNOW about your little boy.

GOD WILL PROVIDE!
Matthew 6:25-34